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JOKES
By
Vrinda Gangwal
“Dad, are
caterpillars good to eat?”
“No, son.
Why?”
“Because you’ve
just eaten one in your lettuce.”
Teddy: I now have
almost 2,000 bones in my body
Father: How is that
possible?
Teddy: I had sardines
for lunch
Dad: Bert, why are
your school reports so bad lately?
Bert: Oh, that’s
teacher’s fault, Dad.
Dad: What do you mean, it’s the teacher’s fault? Your exam marks always used to be good.
Bert: Because I have not got the brainiest boy sitting next to me.
Maths teacher: How
many make a million?
William: My father says very few.
Teacher: How is
it that your maths homework is all correct? You usually have lots of errors
Allan: It’s probably because my father was away!
*
*
*
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RIDDLES
By Vrinda Gangwal
Q: Who always goes to bed
with his shoes on?
A: A horse !!
Q: Why do bird fly south?
A: Because they can’t
walk south!
Q: Why did the little girl
put ice in her father’s bed?
A: Because she likes cold
pop!
Q: What comes all the way
to the house but never comes in?
A: The steps!
Q: What is the best thing
to put in your pie?
A: Your teeth!
Q: What looks like a cowboy, has a hat like a cowboy, has a rope like a cowboy but is not a cowboy?
A; A photo of a cowboy!
Q: What kind of dog has
no tail?
A; A hot dog.
……………………………………….
TONGUE TWISTERS
By Jinali Mody
- Red
bulb, blue bulb
- Red
lorry, yellow lorry
- Kacha
papad, pakka papad
- She
sells sea shells on the sea shore. But the sea shells she sells aren’t sea shells I’m sure
- Santa’s
short suit shrunk
- The
thirty three thieves thought they tilled the throne on Thursday
7. One
was a race horse
Two was one too,
One won one
Two won one two
- I
thought a thought,
But
the thought I thought wasn’t the thought I thought,
If
the thought had been the thought I thought,
It
wouldn’t have thought so much
- Cheryl’s
cheap chilly chip shop sells Cheryl’s chip cheap.
- Upper
roller, lower roller
- A
good cook could cook as many cookies as a good cook could cook
- Mr.
See owned a saw
And Mr. Saw owned
a see saw
Now See’s
saw sawed Saw’s see saw,
Before Saw saw
See
Which made Saw
sore,
Had Saw seen See’s
saw
Before See sawed
Saw’s see saw,
See’s saw
would not have sawed
Saw’s seesaw
So See’s
saw sawed Saw’s see saw
But it was sad
to see Saw so sore
Just because See’s
saw sawed Saw’s seesaw.
……………………….
TIME
TO LAUGH AGAIN!
Jokes compiled by Shreya Parikh
- John
and Vicky were talking about their illnesses. John said, “Once I was so ill that I couldn’t get out of bed for
a month.” Vicky said, “That’s nothing. There was a time when I couldn’t walk for a year.” This
impressed John. He asked, “When was that?” Vicky said, “When I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year
because I learned how to walk when I was one year old!”
- One
day Sam was teaching the parrot how to talk.
Sam: Repeat after
me- “I can talk”
Parrot: I can talk.
Sam: I can walk
Parrot: I can walk.
Sam: I can fly.
Parrot: That’s
a lie.
- Teacher:
Students, why are wars bad?
Student: Because
they create history which we have to remember.
- A
teacher asked the children to do some sums. To her surprise, she saw Ram sitting on the floor.
She asked him why he was sitting on the floor. He said, “Because you asked me to solve them without using the
tables.”
- Doctor:
Do you think that by eating carrots your eyesight will improve?
Patient: Of course,
because I have never seen a rabbit wear spectacles.
…………………………………
RIDDLE TIME AGAIN
By
Shreya Parikh
Q: Which table can you eat?
A: Vegetable
Q: In which table does an animal stay?
A: Stable
Q: Which key does not open a lock?
A: Donkey, monkey
Q: I begin with the letter “e”. I end with the letter “e”.
But I contain only one letter. Who am I?
A: An envelope
Q: You cannot see me but I always lie ahead of you. Who am I ?
A: The future.
Q: What did one maths book say to the other maths book?
A: I have got a lot of problems !
Q: What letter adds great value to a pear?
A: The letter L. It makes a pear a pearl.
Q: What did the lonely banana say?
A: I am a “kela”
Q: Where do the cauliflowers hang out?
A: The Gobi Desert.
Q: A hiker went without sleep for 7 days but wasn’t tired. How?
A: He slept during the nights, not during the days.
Q: Where does a car go swimming?
A: In a car pool.
Q: I am four-legged animal. The first three letters of my name make a place. The
last three letters of my name make a grain. Who am I ?
A: A goat.
Q: I am neither in the house nor outside the house. The house is incomplete without
me. who am I ?
A: A window
Q: How do hikers dress on a cold morning?
A: Quickly, as it is very cold !
A
SMILE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY !
Mohan: Mom, can I eat
an ice cream?
Mom: No, you will catch a cold.
Mohan: Mom, can I wear
a sweater and eat it?
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John: Can I go and play
with Tom?
Mom: No, he’s a
bad boy.
John: Then can I go and
fight with him?
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Customer: Waiter, is
this egg bad?
Waiter: Don’t blame me – I didn’t lay it !
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Girl: Can you eat spiders?
Boy: Why?
Girl: Because one just
crawled into your sandwich.
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Aunty: How are you doing
in your exams?
Jason: Not bad, the questions are easy but the answers are difficult.
*
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*
Teacher: Can you count
up to ten, Sam?
Sam: Yes miss. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Teacher: Very good. Now
go on from there.
Sam: Yes miss. Jack, Queen, King.
*
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*
Ravi: Till what class have you studied, Mom?
Mom: B.A.
Ravi: Only two alphabets, and that too in the wrong order !
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*
Teacher: What is a desert?
Sonu: A place where nothing grows
Teacher: Give me one example.
Sonu: My father’s head.
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Father: How many of the
five sums in the test did you know?
Son: The first two and the last three.
*
*
*
Moron 1: If you tell me how many chickens I have in my bag, I’ll
give you BOTH of them without charging you anything.
Moron 2: Two of them
Moron 1: You cheat! You peeped in my bag and saw them.
*
*
*
ONE
RAINY DAY ….
Raghu: Look ! A frog !
Viju: I wonder why it is brown.
Raghu: The poor thing stayed in the water so long that it is rusted.
* *
*
Akhil: Can people predict the future with cards?
Anil: My mom can.
Akhil: Really?
Anil: She takes
a look at my report card and then tells me what will happen when my Dad gets home !
*
* *
THE
END !
MORE RIDDLES !!
- Q:
How do you make a sardarji busy?
A: By taking him
to a round room and telling him to find four corners.
- Q:
Which pan cannot be used for frying.
A:
Japan
- Q:
Which is the biggest rope?
A: Europe
- Q:
Which vitamin is most important for a fish?
A: Vitamin C (
sea) because it lives in the sea.
- Q:
How many stars are there in the sky ?
A: As many hairs
as you have on your head.
- Q:
Half circle, full circle, half circle A.
Half circle, full circle, right angle A. What do you get?
A:
COCA COLA !
TIME TO LAUGH - JOKES
1. Once there were 3
people – an American, a Russian and an Indian. Each one of them was boasting about his country. The American said that
their space ships were so good that they touched the sky. The Russian and Indian asked whether it was really so. The American
answered that the space ships almost touched the top of the sky – just 2 fingers below the top of the sky.
Now it was the turn of
the Russian to boast about his country. He said that Russian submarines were so good that they were able to touch the bottom
of the deepest ocean. On questioning, he clarified that they were able to reach just 2 fingers above the bottom of the sea.
Now it was the turn of
the Indian. He thought quickly and boasted that in India the people were able to eat with their noses. The
astonished American and Russian asked him whether it was really so. The Indian
replied, “Yes, just 2 fingers below!”
2. There were 150
Sardarjis who were catching a train at Delhi station. Out of these, 149 Sardarjis
were killed since they were standing on the track and the train went over them. One of the Sardarjis was saved. He was interviewed
by the TV people who wanted to find out what had happened. He explained that there was an announcement that the Rajdhani Express
would arrive on platform No.1. So all the Sardarjis who were standing on the platform got down on to the tracks since they
did not want to be crushed by the train which they thought would be coming on the platform and not on the track.
The interviewer then
started praising the lone Sardarji who had survived since he was on the platform and not on the track. The Sardarji who was
alive explained that actually he had decided to commit suicide and was standing on the railway track. When he heard the announcement,
he left the track and moved onto the platform, expecting to be run over by the train. This is how he got saved !
3. Once there were 2
ants – a black ant and a red ant. The red ant asked the black ant: “Why are you so black?” The black ant
replied, “Because I am always in the sun.” Then he asked the red ant, “Why are you so red?” The red
ant replied, “Because I drink blood.”
Just then, a white ant
came by. The red ant and the black ant asked the white ant, “Why are you so white?” And he replied, “Because
I use Fair and Lovely Cream.”
4. Once a mother bear
and baby bear were at the market. The mother bear bought a lollipop for the baby bear. The baby bear was sucking his lollipop
and it fell down. The baby bear bent down to pick up the lollipop, but the mother bear told him, “Don’t pick it
up. I will buy you a new one.”
The next day, the mother
bear, baby bear and father bear were walking in the garden. The father bear tripped
and fell down, and the mother bear started to help him up, but the baby bear said, “Don’t pick him up. I will
buy you a new one.”
5. A mother was asking
her child to drink spinach soup for dinner. The child was protesting and so the mother told her: “Drink your soup. It
will add colour to your cheeks.” The child replied, “Mother – who wants green cheeks?”
RIDDLES
By Shreya Parekh
Qn: What can you take but never give?
Ans:
A bath
Qn:
There were 5 men going to a church. It started raining. 4 got wet, the 5th didn’t. Why?
Ans:
He was in the coffin.
Qn:
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Ans:
Where is pop corn?
Qn:
CH is in front. CH is at the back. You are in the middle. What is the riddle?
Ans:
CHURCH
Qn:
What word will look the same when you turn it upside down?
Ans:
SWIMS
Qn:
What numbers will look the same when you turn them upside down?
Ans:
19061
Qn:
What is the full form of friend?
Ans:
First Relationship In Earth Never Dies
Qn:
When does July come before June?
Ans:
In the dictionary.
Qn:
What did the corn say when it was being peeled?
Ans:
Ouch ! My ear !
Father:
Son, why are you following the line of ants?
Son:
To find where Mom’s hidden the box of sweets.
Qn:
What did the confused egg say?
Ans:
I don’t UNDAstand !!
Qn:
What express does not run on rails?
Ans:
The Indian Express because it is a newspaper. Also the ELS Express – the online magazine of the Saturday 12 o’clock
ELS batch !
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